Thursday, March 26, 2009

I just opened my eyes...

I am amazed. I wouldn't call myself an overly ignorant person. I am fairly aware of my surroundings and the people in my world. It is interesting though how blind I really am. In general I think as humans we look for and at the things we want to see. I am not immune to this.

I always work really hard to try and look at the world through different eyes. I try to see multiple sides to every story and lets face it I have become very analytical. I love observing people and situations. I try to imagine how different people must feel and how situation affect them. I love learning about people and I have learned a lot about empathy because of it. I am a firm believer in taking a walk in new shoes.

Yesterday I realized I have never been very good at looking at myself. A lot of times I just focus so hard on other people and things so that I don't have to look and see things about myself I don't want to see. I finally opened my eyes and realized something, I am so blessed. I love people and yesterday I realized there are loads of people who love me. People who love me in spite of my flaws and imperfections. People who want to be my friends and want to know about me. People who would laugh with me and cry with me. People who would fight to save me. People who would see me even when I look past them because my tunnel vision is so focused else where.

Don't get me wrong I have felt this before, I have seen inklings of this, but in the last few months I was blind to it. I was focused on other people and other things. Pieces of my life I had no control over. Situations in my past I have observed and re observed and even though all the signs and messages were clear I was ignoring them because I didn't like what they were saying to me.

Opening my eyes has opened my world. Everything seems more vibrant today. My world seems so easy so livable. Have I changed? No not really, I am still human. I still have many very apparent flaws, things about me that are hard to acknowledge. Today my flaws won't bring me down though they will make me stronger and better. Today I don't ache for the situations and people I can't change, but I am full of respect for the people who loved me while I figured out where I stood.

Where did the eye opening come from? At the end of the day yesterday I looked back at my day (it was a pretty crazy one! Lets face it my life generally is) and I realized that there were a dozen or so people who knew it was going to be a crazy evening for me and EVERY SINGLE ONE of those people, plus a few others sent me messages of support. I am sure some of them were sending the message while thinking, "I am happy it isn't me" but honestly looking at that at the end of an odd day makes a girl feel pretty special. To know there were so many people aware of me and what I was doing and going through. I feel so honored.

So here it my shout out to those people, and to you I say...THANK YOU! I love that I know you!

1 comment:

Kim said...

I love you so much Lady. You are one of the strongest people I know. I am so thankful and honored to be your friend and to know you and watch you grow and succeed at all you do.

I am happy to know that you see it too! That is the best. I have times like this when I struggle too, struggle to see who I am, why I matter, then there are times when I look in the mirror, look deep beyond and see what He sees, what he knows is there, and then it is easier to go on and try harder. Here is hoping and praying this feeling stays for a very long time.

Love you...and pray for you.