Thursday, October 23, 2008

I only I had paid better attention...

You know it is funny this blog should come right after my white board blog. You will see why momentarily. A few quick notes going into this...1. It is okay to laugh at me, I laugh at me all the time and laughing is always more fun when it includes others. 2. If you set some mood music in the back ground while reading this it will be almost like you were there. Think car radio- I would suggest something classic rock or boy band examples- Hot Blooded by Foreigner or Jack and Diane by John Mellencamp, I Want it That Way by the Backside I mean Backstreet boys (a little Gilmore humor for you there) or Bye Bye Bye by Nsync. In fact that last one might be the most fitting for the story. Regardless turn on your radio and hold on tight.

So I walk out the door, clean the leaves off my car, find a good tune, buckle up, and pull out of the drive way. Pretty normal routine going here. I knew I had needed to stop at the gas station for a fill up because well I had run my car down to nothing the night before and the RWAE(refill without any effort) flying grease monkeys forget to stop by my house (I will talk to them later about that!) So I pull out of my neighborhood a different way then normal knowing I had to add to my morning drive to work routine. So I turn out and I pullup to the left turn arrow, second car in line, SCORE! I glance to my left into the first gas station (the one not good enough for me) and I notice there a TONS of cars there. Then these two cars pull in at the exact same time and head to the same place, and they proceed to dance! It was hilarious they would reverse at the same time then pull forward at the same time. I was enjoying the show. Finally Johny Oldsmobile decided to find a new path to his destination and the show was over. Luckily I looked up in just enough time to see my turn arrow turn red again. Well now I just feel foolish and all the people around me are laughing and pointing and I start screaming at them to invest in a white board and then they think I am really crazy so they laugh harder. So I pull up (First car in line now Super SCORE no way to miss the light in the first car spot! I just learned it is possible to miss as the second car in line) and vow I will pay close attention. I will not miss the next light.

So I wait and I wait and sing and wait until finally I watch as the pedestrian timer starts counting. I realize that all the bozos blocking the intersection are going to spoil my second green arrow for the day! (At least it wasn't my fault this time.) So my light turns green and I am blocked in. I thought frantically of things I could do to get around them but was coming up with nothing finally I tried something, "GO GO GADGET LEGS" I yell and nothing happens. I swear it works for everyone in the movies, maybe I am not nerdy enough. Finally the last car clears and I go to gun it only to remember that the straggler left turners from the previous light had also been held back by the rude driver barricade. So I wait patiently and then gun it and start making squealing noises (with my mouth not my car) just so I don't feel so stupid and half way through my light turns yellow. WHEW! I made it, no one else did but I did! What a morning, now what was I doing? Oh yes pumping gas. Darn those imaginary RWAE flying grease monkeys for not being real! Moral of the story- When you pay attention to things you miss out on FUNNIER things. Enjoy the funny things in life people.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

If I only had a white board...

I need to get into a better blog writing rhythm, but special from this weekend and for your blog reading pleasures I present If I only had a white board.

The white board theory was actually developed a while ago. It has improved over the years though. You see I would very much so like to use a white board in the car while driving. Let me present some scenarios

1. Have you ever been getting on the freeway and glanced at the exit across the way and it is backed up to the the next week. I look at all of the cars sitting there just waiting and I think it is time to pull out my white board and as I cruise pass, not in traffic my white board message reads- RECONSIDER YOUR DECISION!

2. Do you ever see people dancing or singing overly expressively in the car? These people are my bosom buddies. I try and restrict my dancing and belting for the night time hours when no one can see my, but there are times when something comes on and I just loose control. I come to about the second verse but usually not until after my "favorite part" that I realize that I probably shouldn't be spazzing out at a stop light. My message to these people myself included is- DO THAT IN FRONT OF A MIRROR BEFORE YOU DO IT IN YOUR CAR!

3. My personal favorite is two lane highways. First you must know I am an avid cruise control user. My speed is fairly consistent I like to set my speed and just cruise. So either cruise control is very unreliable or else there are some people who really like going fast AND slow while on long drives. So there is generally one car per long drive that becomes my nemesis. I (using my cruise control) will pass some car, any car, today a silver Hundi and will continue on my way. The problem occurs when that person then passes me 5 minutes later. So I accept it and let them on their way, but I haven't changed my speed and then after a few minutes I have caught back up to them therefore creating the need to pass them again. We go about this process generally throughout the whole trip. White board message to the fast and slowers- CRUISE CONTROL FOLKS!

Too bad driver distractions are greatly frowned upon in the state of Utah! I would probably buy a white board tomorrow if I could get away with it! Oh wait and I probably shouldn't be writing on a white board while driving.
Check Spelling
I have one more message for all you people who have read this blog. White board message to you- GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE! oh and THANKS FOR READING MY SOAP BOX!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Third to the last row makes everything funnier

Tonight's experiences were the pivitol ones that led to this blog. Therefore I figured this would be the perfect place to begin my blogging journey.

It all started with 2 concert tickets which took Allyson (the name has not been changed because there is no innocense to protect) and myself to downtown Salt Lake City. Our eventful evening started at the CPK (if you don't know that acronym you don't eat good food as often as you should!) After a fabulous meal we realized we had 10 minutes until show time. There had been some discussion about hopping onto the public trax system to get us to Abravanal Hall, but decided we could walk faster. I tell you what we booked it and do you know what we learned? The train was faster. Oh well. We made it in time and got to our seats. We were located in the third tier. The air is really thinner up there, oh and heat really does rise!) After our speed walking adventure we were both sweating like pigs and breathing like wild boars.

The concert was for a charity (oops didn't really know that officially going into it) so there were some introductions of the rich people who were sponsoring the event (I think that's who they were, I may have tuned this part out because I was working on inhaling and exhaling at a normal rate still.) At last the time came and they announce the performer of the evening. The music starts and the random nut case in the front row starts dancing (Yes the ONE, remember we are in a concert hall not a sports arena with a fold out stage) (Question- how is it that crazy people always have front row seats??). So I laugh at that pathetic woman (with minimal jealousy at her show of overwhelming confindence in her dancing skills) until the singer walks out (the name is this time left out to protect the fashion flaw, I am sure it wasn't her fault!) and I don't know what happened to me but I was distracted from that point on. She was wearing a mini dress with long sleeves and lots of leg. The real distraction though was the at the bottom of the leg in the form of an ankle boot. Why were these shoes ever made? After debating why a person would wear those shoes with that dress we realized that either A. Our far away seats aren't painting a very clear picture or B. The ankle boots are the only support system she had to work with because, by gollie, those tooth pick legs are not helping with anything!

Next point of humor occured when we realized that the poor guy running the spot light was not use to performers that move freely about the stage. Don't worry though we cheered him on (seeing how he was basically right above our heads) heck had his hands not been busy we would have high fived him for his efforts. I did get to thinking though what an odd sensation it would be if you felt like someone was following you come to find out it was just a spot light that is running a second behind. Nice try spot light guy! Better luck next time.

Problem 3. Abravenal Hall is one of the best acoustical buildings in the state of Utah, so how is it that I couldn't understand one work of what was said??? I am pretty sure all the running and sliding though I must admit it was pretty impressive, just does not help ANYONE with diction and enunciation. At least she was in tune. The worst communication error came in the form of the term Disfunctional Family. Now there are not many things that phrase could be turned into, but there is at least one that is far to crazy to list here. I am sure Allyson would love to enlighten anyone that asks (after she blushes). (By the way Al the lyric is dirtier then I realized when I first posted it here!)

Now I know what you are thinking...this entry has got to be coming to an end, but in fact not quite yet.

As I mentioned above this was a charity event so as we left the venue there were volunteers holding baskets giving you puppy dog eyes and a pleading smile in anticipation of the contents of your wallet dumping itself into the basket. Well I had no money, because who carries money around anymore? All I have in my wallet is Mil Calones (Costa Rican money worth maybe 2 dollars) and I realize the well rehersed money pleas are going to be wasted on me. I decided though that if I were confronted I would put on my own puppy dog eyes and use my sweet inocent voice and say "I didn't know" "I wish I would have know" "I could have saved the children" "Do you accept Costa Rican money?"

So we stroll (a bit more causally this time) back to the car parked at the Gateway and after a nice drive through the parking stucture we finally find the exit. There is a parking attendant directing trafic by our exit and I tell you what HE WAS INTENSE. I am pretty sure he had a 3 centimeter and 3 second rule. Basically if you didn't get as close as he thought you should be (to the car in front of you) or if you didn't gun it and slam on your brakes in the stop and go traffic he would start waving his glorified glow stick and be screaming move along, move up, keep moving. I was about to ask him if different rules applied for the gas conscience people who didn't like the gun it/slam it option but I was afaid the glow stick would double as a weapon so we did as we were told and stopped just short of ramming the car in front of us 3 times.

Well after that kind of an exciting night we grabbed some diet cokes (we figured we earned them for all of our mockery of the night) and we headed home. I am pretty sure my life will never be the same.

If I Only Had a Blog...

There comes a time in life when you realize you have said something so many times it might as well be. Let me explain-I LOVE reading blogs, but I swore I would never be a blogger. What changed my mind, you may ask, and I will tell. You see there are moments in life when I take a step back and look at my world (the world of Sue) and think...Oh Man! If I only had a blog the world could laugh with me, cry with me, drive with me, vacation with me, etc. (you get the point) So I started keeping track of all of the times I have thought, If I only had a blog. Then it hit me tonight, I have said the phrase so many times now (including tonight) that it is time to let everyone else enjoy this. So world here it is! Sue officially has a blog and you best believe there will be amazing things shared here so buckle up and enjoy the ride!