Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dear Santa or other generous backer or sugar daddy, whoever,

I have broken down my list of needs and wants accordingly please don't disappoint me.

I NEED jumper cables because apparently I am incapable of turning my light off in my car. Since I am not able to change my behavior it is vital that I get the gift of jumper cables to offset my future stupidity

I WANT a robot that shovels snow. Do they even make these? I promise though I would share him with my senior citizen neighbors just as long as my drive way gets done with out me having to get up an extra 20 minutes early.

I NEED slip covers for my down stairs couches. Now I realized you think this isn't a need but remember how I ever so KINDLY let my room mate have a cat even though I swore no pets EVER? Well that generosity has led me to NEED couch covers. I know I know I only paid 20 dollars per hotel couch and that one slip cover will be worth more then all four couches combined. Just think how pretty my basement would finally look with them.

I WANT my own direct highway that will lead me everywhere I need to go. Preferably one that will get me to my lessons in Riverton on time. I realize the building of said highway may create a little back up for at least a few months so I propose we build during the summer when I don't drive out to Riverton twice a week so I will not be negatively affected by my own Christmas gift.

I NEED new materials for my ipod. Looking back on the year I have been particularly decent at being frugal. I have ALMOST completely cut out my spending that go towards entertainment such as movies and cds and mp3 books. Due to my faithfully frugal nature I NEED new ipod tunes or I will be insane by the end of 2010.

I WANT peace on Earth and Goodwill to all! After all it is Christmas and the world should be a happier place.

Now off to finish my Christmas shopping!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I stole instead of of thanked...

How did I get to this point? That is right, I stole something this weekend. In my defense...I didn't mean too and it was completely accidental. Maybe they will let me off easy. Lets review the weekend to figure out where it went wrong.

Thanksgiving= Good.
Movie with roommate=Good.
Black Friday= DIDN'T HAPPEN

I think I see the problem.

Here is the story...I didn't go black Friday shopping, instead I went out for the 3 day sales on Saturday. I found myself in a happy place called ikea. In said happy place all reason walked out the door. My motor skills were still mostly functioning correctly as my mouth kept blabbing and my hand kept grabbing. I love Ikea. It is a truly happy place...oh yeah, the story. So you know when you get to the end and there are like 4 real checkout and approximately 400 self check outs? Well I should never ever use self check out. You ask why? Let me explain:

1. I get a panic attack every time the stupid this makes a noise.
2. There is always at least 1 item that will take me 2 minutes to scan which makes me start sweating profusely and makes the scanning process harder.
3. I am paranoid the people in line behind me will start chanting slow poke or something mean like that.
Then newly added reason:
4. They increase the odds that I will steal in my life time.

So I am checking myself out at the self scanner trying desperately to hurry but of course it is ikea and I don't want to buy a bag so I am trying to stack my stuff correctly as I scan it so I can carry it out like a pack mule instead of in a sack like a normal person. So I cut a corner...I know I am buying 4 count them 1,2,3,4 throw pillows. Since I was buying 4 throw pillows I instead of scanning each individual pillow cover I just scanned one four times. It saved tons of time.

When I got home I happily started putting my throw pillows together which I did have 4 of, but some how I ended up with 5 pillow cases. I double and triple checked my receipt and had only definitely only paid for 4 covers. I only needed four. But my over active deal grabbers and my lack of reason brain apparently couldn't do four in the pillow section. So blame it on whoever let this brain dead girl in that store but I stole extra pillow case.

The happy ending- I did go in and returned my stolen item and it went like this.
Sue- "I accidentally stole this and I want to return it to you"
Sales Associate- (laughing, laughing and more laughing)
Sue-"umm...I am so so sorry I didn't mean to" (starts to walk away maybe they will forget I ever spoke)
Sales Associate- (Still laughing) Hollers "Want me to have security follow you around this time?" (More laughing)
Sue- head hung in shame and mortification
Meanwhile the sales associate has all his coworkers rolling around on the floor laughing about the girl who stole.
Sue- Perks up as she goes for round 2 of ikea shopping. Though the sounds of laughter continue to ring through Ikea today, I am the proud owner of 4 beautiful throw pillow and 0 stolen items.

Now I know not to ever miss black Friday shopping again. It makes me do crazy things when I don't shop with the insane.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Pot Luck and Mass Chaos all in the same small moment in life...

Who likes pot lucks? Seriously? Don't lie. Either you do or you don't.

Some times you have good experiences sometimes you have bad ones. The person that you are is built on how straight a face you can hold while eating someone elses home made mayonnaise salad while telling them how delicious you think it is.

We had a pot luck at work a few weeks ago. It was one of THOSE potlucks. seriously, who doesn't put out a sign up sheet for a pot luck? In fact I hope who ever created the idea of the pot luck sign up sheet gets a Nobel peace prize for ending Chaos at company functions everywhere. Here is what happened at the no sign up sheet pot luck... 10 bags of tortilla chips, 2 bag of potato chips, 3 green salads which were luckily all different (Asian, Cesar, and olive garden varieties), 1 relish tray, 1 cheese ball, and 8 chip dips 5 or which were in fact different forms of salsa.

So the appalled pot luck guru's decided we needed a do over thus planning another company pot luck. This time not only did it have a sign up sheet it had a theme! WHAT??? Move over all you poor potluck planners our potluck is Themed. What was the theme you may be wondering about now...CHILI.

*Please note we are not actually eating chili peppers but chili the soup

Okay so the theme may be a little weak, but it could have been a no sign up sheet pot luck. Maybe I will come up with a catch phrase for the Chili themed pot luck.

Now the telling moment of this blog...did the Chili themed pot luck have a less disastrous demise then the no sign up sheet pot luck? I will let you be the judge.

Here is what we had:


With a little sour cream and cheese topping on the side and a few cookies for dessert.

I can't even remember the chili because I was so concerned about what to eat it with, but if you ask me it beats out no sign up sheet day any day.

Next time I will be in charge...theme Mass Chaos in the key of Blue. That would sure throw them all for a loop. That is right every one start pulling out your food coloring.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

If you can only get 4...

Harmons was having their case lot sale. If there is some thing I love in this world it is a good deal. I went 3 times to the case lot sale! How can you pass up such great deals? Lets face it who doesn't need food storage. Granted by the time you make the last trip to the case lot sale you know you are bound to run smack dab into adventure.

Our adventure begins with a coupon, the Buy 3 get one free soda deal. Yes it is a splurge, but it is a fun splurge and it produced enough humor to make the full 30 minutes on the soda aisle worth it.

Here is the cast:

This is our soda lifter. We were a little in decisive for him. This was his general position and he was constantly asking which one am I grabbing?

This is our Laugher, humor alone was her mission.

The indecisive buyers

Oh and me too, also a buyer.

The events-

Who can fill the shopping cart the fastest...We don't know it got to full and heavy.

The "Sunkist"- Mission, not a success the lifter kept moving.

Good thing someone was smart and grabbed a camera after 20 minutes on the soda aisle. Who is honestly that smart? Oh!

Good times, Good Memories, and Great Deals. Don't worry eventually I moved on to the quaker Sale. A box of cereal for a dollar is something you don't pass up! For future use, please note that cereal does fit nicely on the top of a cart full of boxes of soda

Oh and our lifter...he found the toys.

Never fear...the laugher didn't miss a beat the entire night!

Thanks for the adventures friends...until next time, don't forget your coupons, they don't give them to every one (say that last phrase as a pick up line and this blog will end a lot funnier for you)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Between a Rock and a Hard place...

Or perhaps sometimes you find your self sinking in sand...up to the rims

Don't worry, as long as you have a team of good faithful friends and some extra horse power you will eventually make it out.

You may need to brush off after because the odds that you face planted while sinking are great.

But lets be honest, as long as you can laugh it off and still have fun it doesn't matter how terrible your odds are. At least you made it out alive.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Some gals have all the luck

So I have a friend. She is lucky. In fact we will call her Lucky Scrunchy, partially because she named herself that and partially because she is the luckiest person I know. She is constantly winning concert/movie/sporting event tickets on the radio. She just has the luck.

I however, do not.

I wish I did. In fact recently I have tried a few things hoping it would change my luck, I thought it may be working until... well let me give you an example of my recent luck.

Monday July 13th- I found out my friend had access to Harry Potter Premier tickets for the next day. Granted we had to pay for them, but this was GREAT news considering I was leaving for Florida at the end of the week. I struck gold with out even trying.

Tuesday July 14th- I am EXCITED! Harry Potter here we come!! We are in the car, we are buckled, and we are on our way. LUCKILY we left early because we ran into some stop and go traffic on the freeway. It is okay though! We are going to Harry Potter and have reserved seats! BAM! CRUNCH! SERIOUSLY??? Yes, in fact I did get hit by a Semi Truck in stop and go traffic on the freeway. Yes, he had been behind me the whole time we were driving in the slow moving traffic. Yes, I did miss Harry Potter because of it and Yes, my car looks like crap. So much for that goldmine of luck.

*Please note Lucky Scrunchy and my sisters saw Harry Potter at a REALLY special premier on Monday- no they did not have to pay for their tickets, and no they did not get hit by a semi.

So I start working on my luck again and I get on the 1:00 am flight to Orlando FL. Fate would not let it be so. I sat by myself, next to some lovey dovey newlyweds. Super fun. Also I don't know exactly how, seeing how it was off, but sometime between the time we left Salt Lake to the time I got to Florida my phone battery decided to kick the can. Not a very good thing when you are constantly anticipating insurance people to call. Luckily Stevo has the same phone as me and I was able to get my message from my appraiser and work everything out there.

Back to being lucky then...we aren't able to get our hotel room until 4pm (please remember we came in on a 1am flight) the Hardy's start to get cranky after a bit. So we decide to go to Gatorland. Why not? None of us have ever been to Gatorland and it sounds like the perfect way to waste a day. Overall I was actually quite impressed and found my vacation was starting off quite well. We got some goofy pictures which make me laugh and the first few shows we went to were quite funny.

We decide to go to some of the shows one of which was called up close encounters. There are two men running the show and the first thing they ask is for anyone in the audience who is a little freaked out by "creatures" to raise their hands. Well, I don't particularly care for creature no, but I don't care what those dudes do with their hands/feet/neck or any other body part they sacrifice for creepy crawlies. Apparently I should have taken the question at face value though because next thing I know one of the men runs up behind me and sits a padlocked wooden box on the bench. I didn't look at him because I don't want to know what he is doing back there, but then he pokes me and says (pointing to the box) that one is yours.

**please note in this moment how I reacted and how I WANTED to react are two VERY VERY different things.

Lets start with what I wanted to say..."No thank you. I appreciate the gesture, but I prefer your hands/legs/neck and any thing else you want to sacrifice for wild creatures be the subjects of their evening dinner. I am doing just fine up here in the stands. Go you! I support you in your job."

Here is what eyes BULGED out of my head and I laughed awkwardly. My brother started busting a gut. The rest of my family just stared, and watched the man run back down to his buddy on the stage. Then I started to sweat. I thought I had been sweating before in the Florida heat, but no, NOW I was sweating. I was thinking am I going to get out of this? Why in the world when I get picked out of the audience does it have to be to hold a creature best left alone in nature? Why can't I be with Lucky Scrunchy at a concert right now? Heck why didn't I go to Harry Potter today??? Gatorland seriously? Who* goes to Gatorland?

*Note we do for pictures like this
The show really gets started now and first up is the other "lucky" person in the audience on the other side who got a box by her. The man opens her box and shows the audience two large Tarantulas. They tell her to close her eyes and open her hand...I look at Steve who is still laughing at my impending doom. The lady has her eyes closed but she is freaking out! She peaks right as her guys is about to drop the large hairy spider into her hand and she screams and runs. The spider fell on the sand. They were kind to her, but you could tell they really wished she would have just raised her hand in the first place instead of looking like a fool in front of the crowd.

Now I start feeling stupid...I can't look like her when I go up. Don't get me wrong I am a complete wimp, but she is pathetic. I am not ready to be pathetic. In fact I am to young to be pathetic. I just wanted to be lucky. I am honestly going to have to hold what ever is in my box. I thought I may die right in my moment of realization, but then my friend came running up the stairs. Thinking time was over.

We chat for a minute...He unlocks and glances in my box and slams the lid down. He tells me I don't have to come down...come to find out the snake in my box is so poisonous that he isn't even going to touch it with his hands...Stevo has a look of disappointment on his face and I breathe a sigh of relief. The ministers of luck were smiling down on me. I even started to enjoy the rest of the show until the end... They decided to let the audience pick which box should be opened for the last creature of the day. Of course it is the biggest of the boxes on the stage and they decided they needed a volunteer. Stevo starts laughing and my buddy on stage say, "well I know just the gal. I have a friend here, we have been friends for about 20 minutes, her name is Sue. Sue can you come help me please?" Oh crap he said please now I have to go.

How does my good run of bad luck end?

That is right. Holding the butt of a big old Boa Constrictor. At least I got the butt. My friend told me to call heads or tails and I am NO FOOL at least poop washes off (do snakes poop? I am sure they must...maybe I will wikipedia it) bite marks are much more permanent.

Welcome to Florida Sue! We are glad you were our LUCKY girl today.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A day in the life of Bob the Accountant

Meet Bob

Bob is an accountant. He was inspired by the other tax accountants in my life. Here is he is at the computer.

He lived like a normal man

He cooked some breakfast

And then ate it

He drove to work


Then he would pack up and come home

In Fact he would drive home, much like he drove to work, but in a different direction.

He would enjoy an afternoon snack

And Answer the calls of nature

Oh sorry Bob, excuse me.

He was environmentally friendly, in fact he was thinking about going green

And he loved himself a good book

Bob always valued the importance of a good workout

Bob is also a great appreciator of music

At night he cozies up in his monkey blanket with his remote

Weekends were a real treat in Bob's world

Hiking was a passion

Fishing, or at least dreaming of fishing

Gardening the necessity

He loved games, and especially loved playing with the kids, even when they looked at him with disdain and loathing.

The struggle of Bob's life occurred every time the beginning of the year came around. Tax season is a beast. The kind of beast that causes those horror flick shrieking noises...EEK EEK EEK. Then came April 15th though. Bob felt so much relief he jumped for joy. Tragically, he jumped so high he head came into contact with a bat and his guts came flying out. Bob really was made of money because in fact he was a pinata stuffed full of gold coins. He will be missed. Don't worry though I saved his face as a memory.

There will always be this memory of Bob, the tax accountant pinata. You truly lived.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Holiday with the Hardy's

We know how to party. In fact I dare venture to say we party "Hardy". When we party there are a few things that are almost always a guarantee. One of those things is food. There will be TONS of FOOD. We usually plan on feeding 12 armies. I am not sure why. We really can't eat that much food, but we think we can. There is usually a wide variety of food too. It is hard to just pick one of two favorite dishes to make, plus what if someone doesn't like part of it? We need stuff that everyone will like. Therefore we need a TON!

Since it was Easter we of course had to dye some Eggs. Every year we have apx. 6 eggs per person. If you multiply it out that equals 78 hard boiled eggs. I don't know anyone that can eat, or use 78 hard boiled eggs before the excitement caused by colored eggs wears off. It usually only takes a day or two and the poor rejected eggs live in the fridge until the coloring on the shell becomes so unnatural that someone finally take pity on the fridge and throw them out. This year I talked my mom down to four eggs per person (my goal was 2 per person). I was excited that she even agreed to dropping the number down, but when I got home that afternoon I discovered 6 eggs per person waiting to be dyed. Old habits really do die hard. When all is said and done, after 2 bowls of extremely "eggie" potato salad and pawning off as many eggs as we could there are still 2 dozen in the fridge. Just waiting for their turn to break out of the dark enclosed spaces that surround them. Wow that is deep on so many levels.

The other thing about dying eggs is the box of dye you buy at the grocery store, or in our case at the Walmarts. It came with 14 colors. Or that is what the package said! That is excellent news for people who have 78 eggs to dye. Come to find out though 14 means 6 colors times 2 and then 2 special extra colors. So really there were only 8 colors. That is okay though, when you have 78 eggs to dye they all start looking the same after a few eggs anyways. Occasionally someone gets all crazy and pulls out rubber bands or crayons or something to makes the eggs more exciting. Oh wait that someone was me. Rubber Bands do make a cool looking dyed Easter egg.

Usually a Hardy Holiday includes some sort of Crazy Project too. This crazy project 95% of the time revolves around food and usually start with my brain. Back at Christmas it was doughnuts, for Easter we made Cream Eggs. Now I am humbly going to admit that HANDS DOWN they are better then any cream egg you can buy at the store. Go us! It was quite a fun project. My job was the cream filling so naturally I didn't follow the recipe and ended up with 3 different flavors of cream filling. Butter Cream was the biggest hit, Almond and Vanilla were both great though. Liz was in charge of the chocolate (because even with meltable I manage to burn it sometimes!)

Then to differentiate them we let Megan be in charge of drizzle, a different color for each different flavor. They turned out beautifully. Tragically there is still a whole bag of these still living in the fridge too. Luckily these will actually keep for a while and not turn unnatural colors nor will they release odors. Chocolate eggs are Heaven sent.

Tragically there is still a whole bag of these still living in the fridge too. Luckily these will actually keep for a while and not turn unnatural colors nor will they release odors. Chocolate eggs are Heaven sent.

Finally the blessed Holiday actually comes and we eat all the food that we have prepared...or we eat a third of the food we have prepared. Then we have an egg hunt. Well not really a hunt as most of the eggs are just laying on the grass so it really isn't too hard to find. You do have to be careful though, you can only pick up the eggs that have your name and color on them or you could start a brawl. Mine are light purple. My favorite egg contained a five dollar bill. Lets just say it was a great Easter season.