Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I stole instead of of thanked...

How did I get to this point? That is right, I stole something this weekend. In my defense...I didn't mean too and it was completely accidental. Maybe they will let me off easy. Lets review the weekend to figure out where it went wrong.

Thanksgiving= Good.
Movie with roommate=Good.
Black Friday= DIDN'T HAPPEN

I think I see the problem.

Here is the story...I didn't go black Friday shopping, instead I went out for the 3 day sales on Saturday. I found myself in a happy place called ikea. In said happy place all reason walked out the door. My motor skills were still mostly functioning correctly as my mouth kept blabbing and my hand kept grabbing. I love Ikea. It is a truly happy place...oh yeah, the story. So you know when you get to the end and there are like 4 real checkout and approximately 400 self check outs? Well I should never ever use self check out. You ask why? Let me explain:

1. I get a panic attack every time the stupid this makes a noise.
2. There is always at least 1 item that will take me 2 minutes to scan which makes me start sweating profusely and makes the scanning process harder.
3. I am paranoid the people in line behind me will start chanting slow poke or something mean like that.
Then newly added reason:
4. They increase the odds that I will steal in my life time.

So I am checking myself out at the self scanner trying desperately to hurry but of course it is ikea and I don't want to buy a bag so I am trying to stack my stuff correctly as I scan it so I can carry it out like a pack mule instead of in a sack like a normal person. So I cut a corner...I know I am buying 4 count them 1,2,3,4 throw pillows. Since I was buying 4 throw pillows I instead of scanning each individual pillow cover I just scanned one four times. It saved tons of time.

When I got home I happily started putting my throw pillows together which I did have 4 of, but some how I ended up with 5 pillow cases. I double and triple checked my receipt and had only definitely only paid for 4 covers. I only needed four. But my over active deal grabbers and my lack of reason brain apparently couldn't do four in the pillow section. So blame it on whoever let this brain dead girl in that store but I stole extra pillow case.

The happy ending- I did go in and returned my stolen item and it went like this.
Sue- "I accidentally stole this and I want to return it to you"
Sales Associate- (laughing, laughing and more laughing)
Sue-"umm...I am so so sorry I didn't mean to" (starts to walk away maybe they will forget I ever spoke)
Sales Associate- (Still laughing) Hollers "Want me to have security follow you around this time?" (More laughing)
Sue- head hung in shame and mortification
Meanwhile the sales associate has all his coworkers rolling around on the floor laughing about the girl who stole.
Sue- Perks up as she goes for round 2 of ikea shopping. Though the sounds of laughter continue to ring through Ikea today, I am the proud owner of 4 beautiful throw pillow and 0 stolen items.

Now I know not to ever miss black Friday shopping again. It makes me do crazy things when I don't shop with the insane.

1 comment:

Allyson said...

Oh my gosh! Talk about (not) Smooth Criminal :) You crack me up! I sure wish you would post more because you are so funny. And I agree - I hate self checkout for all of the above reasons- and I also hate that ikea doesn't have free bags - I usually end up juggling everything out to my car and it's a nightmare! Glad you are honest and took it back :)